“FIND THE BAST*RD WHO SHAT DOWN MY CHIMNEY!”

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HOUSEHOLDER Mike Williams is furious – after a foul- bowelled hooligan unloaded a big, steaming SHIT down his freshlyswept chimney. Carpet- fitter Mike ( left) had been looking forward to making up the first real fire of the year as temperatures took a turn south in his home city of Aberdeen.

But those plans went down the drain after the young oik unleashed a plop down the flue, which landed with a nasty splatter in the grate. Unwed Mike, 34, raged: “I was just getting home from work when a neighbour ran up and said they’d seen a wee ned ( Scottish for a ruffian) shatting down the chimney.

“He’s even taken a wee photo on his phone. When I opened the door the smell was incredible.

“The wee bastard’s shite had landed in the grate – it was all over the place!

Bastard

“It was all on the rug in front of the fire. There’s no way it’ll brush out. What the hell am I going to say to the insurance? ‘ Och – a ned shat doon the chimney’?

“If I get my hands on the bastard I’ll kick him in the arse so hard he’ll never shit again.”

A source at Grampian Police said the crime was “unpleasant and unusual”. Do you recognise the chimney shitter? Call our newsdesk on 0844 441 5128.